


Yup, Definitely Alive

by InevitableBladders (TheTimelessChild0)



Series: America's Bladder [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Humor, Pre-Avengers (2012), discussion about pee
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-28
Updated: 2020-02-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:33:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22938700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheTimelessChild0/pseuds/InevitableBladders
Summary: The ice wasn't the only water being thawed.
Series: America's Bladder [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1649515
Kudos: 14





	Yup, Definitely Alive

The discovery of the Super Soldier was unexpected, to say the least. The Smithsonian had cut plenty of mammoths out of the ice. Not people. The first thing Agent Hill noticed was that not only had his muscles not shrunk while in disuse, they had even grown a few centimetres. How Steve had room to flex, no one knew. 

He was immediately placed on a lab table on the quadjet. They had to be careful, since sudden temperature changes could harm his heart, super serum or not. The doctor made an incision in the ice from his legs to just below his heart. As he moved the saw to cut near Steve’s arm, he flinched. As in, Steve flinched. 

One of the scientists grabbed the blowtorch and melted a part of Steve’s head, placing an electrode. The ECG beeped away, at the normal resting rate. 

“Oh, my, god!! This guy’s still _alive_!” he blurted out in shock.

“That’s not possible..” Phil reasoned. 

“Apparently, it is,” the doctor remarked, pointing at the screen, showing a perfectly intact pulse. 

“Some dream he must be having,” Coulson shook his head. “We need to thaw him slowly. His body needs the rest,” 

They continued with the blowtorch, melting his right leg. His right foot shook as the warm water flowed down the side of the leg. 

“Just a spasm,” the doctor assured them. The pulse had jumped slightly. 

“What’s with the bouncing?” Phil questioned. The line on the monitor spiked 3 times in 10 seconds, followed by 10 seconds of regularity. 

“I don’t know..you never see that in a sleeping person,” the doctor rubbed his head, theorising. 

“What if he’d been awake? The serum’s in his head too, don’t forget,” Fury commented, entering the room. 

Everyone, including the doctor, stiffened in respect. 

“Well, then we have to consult a map,” 

The doctor wheeled forward a chart of the nervous system. 

Nick traced his finger along the big toe, up to the abdomen. 

“Anyone tried the hand in warm water prank?” Fury quipped. 

  
“Results wary, depending on the individual neurology,” the doctor commented. 

“Well, let’s check _his_ ,” Fury noted, grabbing the blowtorch. 

He melted the hand, hovering the flame for a few seconds. 

Cap’s hip shifted, and the right leg squeezed against the left, stiffening. 

“What. was that?” Coulson asked. 

Fury instructed them to thaw the other leg, and the waist area. As soon as they did, Captain Rogers clenched a muscle. It wasn’t just any muscle. At a glance, it could appear that his legs were standing at attention. But his knees were wriggling back and forth. 

“Is he trying to do what I _think_ he’s trying to do?” Phil asked, as a smirk appeared on his face.

“Hey, he’s been frozen for 50 years. I’d be itching to _go_ too,” Fury agreed. 

“So, what do we do? Wake him up?” Coulson proposed.

“Still too early,” the doctor reminded him, preparing an ultrasound. 

  
The image displayed a bladder that was indeed very full. 

“Now I get what they meant when they said he had faster _metabolism_ ,” one of the scientists remarked. 

“His muscles aren’t strained, no sign of damage. Fortunately, he can hold it,” 

“I’d love to see the dance he’ll have to do when he wakes up,” Fury laughed.

“You’ll have to wait a while for that, Agent Fury,” the doctor stated, injecting a solution of melatonin into Steve’s thigh. 

“Do I have time to go to the bathroom first? Don’t wanna miss the previews,” Fury joked, leaving the room. 

“Go ahead and thaw the rest later. We don’t want him to have an accident,” Phil instructed. 

“Hey, it’s his fault,” the doctor argued. “He should’ve gone before he left” 

“No. He should’ve peed in the ocean like the rest of us,” Coulson suggested, also leaving. One glance behind him, told him that Steve agreed with him. Why else would he cross his legs? 

“Yep, definitely alive,” he muttered, smiling. He’d be fine. Both men sighed in relief. The doctor took off his gloves with a deep inhale.

The End.


End file.
